Sometimes It Looks Like This
Being a foster parent is many things. It’s offering stability to children who have experienced turmoil. It’s learning to handle unexpected challenges and being surprised by unplanned blessings. It’s also accepting and loving a child as your own while being fully aware that, at least for now, this child is not your own. The Baker family has learned to thrive in that reality, fully embracing their role as temporary but fully engaged parents.
After seeing the need and wanting to be part of the solution. the Bakers were drawn to foster care even before they got married. Their journey began in those early days as a couple, talking and planning for what their future might look like. Their faith was a big part of leading them to build their life, right from the beginning, around becoming foster parents someday. They even prayed for and chose a house that could accommodate foster children.
As soon as they found that home, they jumped quickly into pre-placement training classes. They knew a Focus on Youth staff member and a few other foster parents, so they trusted Focus to lead them through the process. After completing training and finalizing their approval, their first placement arrived in 2023. “She was 10 months old and not crawling,” Mrs. Baker explains. “We quickly learned how much you don’t know when you accept a placement and had to figure out where to start.” It took time to understand her delays and get her the help she needed.
Their first placement also taught them how to see and help support the birth family. “Although relationships with birth families can be challenging, we try to ask ourselves how we can make their situation better,” says Mrs. Baker. “The plan is not adoption, and we are part of trying to help them get their children back.” After their first foster child reunified with her birth family, they accepted their second placement in 2024. Keeping the goal of reunification in the forefront is important. Mrs. Baker explains, “Many people ask us about adoption, but so far, that has not been the plan for either of our children. I would encourage those considering becoming foster parents to hold loosely to the idea of adoption. Don’t go into it thinking you’re entitled to adopting a child right away. You must understand that your role is to be a parent as long as you’re needed, however long that may be. It may someday be forever, but often it isn’t and that has to be celebrated too.”
If you’re thinking about foster parenting, the Bakers have some advice for you.
- Don’t let the classes discourage you. While natural parenting instincts will kick in, raising foster kids is different than raising biological kids, so you will want the extra tools.
- Be patient. From getting familiar with the situation to getting to know the kids, and repeating information to different case workers, everything takes time.
- Get used to being new. Every situation and every child is different.
- Never be afraid of setting healthy boundaries with biological families. You can be their biggest advocate while also protecting your children and yourselves from potentially volatile situations.
- Just do it! Seeing the children happy and just being children is indescribably rewarding.
