Teens Need Families Too
Thousands of teens in foster care are desperate for the stability and connection of a family. Unlike their younger counterparts, they have little time left before being forced to face the world completely on their own. One invested person or family can dramatically improve their odds. The Baker family wanted to step into that gap for older kids most people overlooked.
Recently retired from the army, settled in their new home on a small farm, and raising their 18-month-old son, the Baker family was ready to begin the process of getting licensed for foster care. Before they were finished, they heard about a teen girl who was available for adoption and always wanted to live on a farm. When they met, they instantly clicked but had to wait until the school year finished for her to move in. During those months of waiting, they saw her every other weekend to begin building a relationship and at the same time, opened their home for respite care and emergency placements. In that short time, they cared for a dozen kids ranging in age from 2 to 17 years old.
During one of those emergency placements, Carrie saw the difference even a short stay can make. They took in two siblings, ages 17 and 6, who had never been in foster care and definitely didn’t want to be now. They helped them get clothes, hygiene supplies, and find healthy foods they actually liked eating. Before the siblings were happily reunited with a relative, the girl hugged Carrie and cried, saying she had changed her negative opinion of foster care. Being a safe place in the middle of a chaotic moment meant everything to them.
Caring for kids of vastly different ages reinforced how much they truly enjoy connecting with older kids and reinforced their commitment to accepting teens as permanent placements. Carrie explains, “With our teens, we feel energized after the toddler goes to bed and we get to spend time with them.” Having a set of family rules and sticking to them has been key to successfully parenting foster teens. They have two permanently placed teen girls and before they decided to stay, they were given a copy of the rules and asked to agree or discuss their concerns. “It’s simple things like being nice and picking up after yourself,” Carrie says. “But it allows us to remind them they agreed to these rules.”
Whatever age the foster kids, Carrie recommends giving each one space to be themselves and not trying to parent each one the same. “One girl needs space when she’s mad,” Carrie shares as an example. “The other girl thrives with being given extra responsibility and the benefits that go along with that.” Sometimes even physical space is important, whether that space is their own room or just a place to get away by themselves.
It’s been quite the journey, but they are so happy they chose to bring teens into their family, always being careful not to judge them by their past but not ignore it either. “Our girls have been in the system for years and, unfortunately, neither looks great on paper,” Carrie explains. “But they have the biggest hearts and we can’t imagine our lives without them.”
