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A Partner on the Path to Permanency

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How do you handle change? What if it’s a change that affects the rest of your life? It’s hard enough navigating life-altering moments as stable adult. But, imagine you’re a teen in foster care. In 2023, John was 17 years old, facing a decision that would change his entire life.

When Beth, an adoption recruiter, met John in August of 2023, he was a likeable kid who wanted to leave the uncertainties of foster care behind and be adopted. But while he craved the security of a permanent family, he struggled to believe he was adoptable. Beth knew right away she would work diligently to find him an adoptive home and help him transition into a new life.

Her first hurdle was gaining his trust. He had a strong bond with his county caseworker and didn’t understand how an adoption recruiter could help him. Beth talked to the other members of his care team, learning about his background, family of origin, interests, and dreams. She discovered he wanted to become a barber and was already practicing those skills whenever he could. That was her opening for connection!

“I was able to secure a professional grade set of clippers through the One Simple Wish program to gift him for Christmas,” she explains. “This was our turning point. It was a small gesture on my part, but it went a long way to build rapport and trust. Not only was I showing up every month and telling him I cared about him, his interests, and his future, he was able to see that put into tangible action.”

Their bond grew as they spent more time together sharing meals, driving around, and shopping. “Although we had fun doing this, it was also an invaluable time to learn more about him and his journey through the foster care system, as well as assess how I could best be of service to him and meet his needs,” says Beth. Their discussions clarified to both of them that returning to his family of origin wasn’t a healthy option. Beth was there to help him work through the feelings of loss connected with his decision.

Beth then helped John identify the people he wanted and needed to be part of his ongoing support system as well as a potential adoptive family. He had a healthy attachment to his foster mom who also considered him family. He and everyone in his support team agreed that staying with her would be the best choice. After providing considerable support and building relationships with both John and his foster mom, Beth was able to present the match and get it accepted.

With an adoption plan set, Beth helped prepare him, setting realistic expectations and navigating his doubts and fears about the future. Losing the team of workers he had come to love and rely on was especially difficult for him. During the 10 long months between his match date and his adoption finalization, Beth’s unwavering support helped him move through those hard feelings and into the joy of knowing he was loved and wanted.

Since his adoption, he reports everything is going well. He knows he made the right decision and is grateful to have had someone in his corner to help him through it all. The road to permanency can be bumpy, but John, and so many others like him, deserve to face the future with a forever family beside and behind them.

From Foster to Forever

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Everyone sees the pictures. An adorable child holds up a sign with the number of days they were in foster care before being adopted by a loving family. The numbers on those signs are usually painfully high. We get emotional both at the immense joy of a child joining a family but also in the tragedy of how long it took for them to get there. This is not that story.

Kenna was placed in foster care in September of 2022 and just one year later, the Schuerman family adopted her. “We had a unique experience as Kenna’s biological parents had minimal involvement from the beginning and the agency was granted permanent custody quicker than usual,” Beth Schuerman explains. “By the time Kenna was available for adoption, we already loved her and considered her to be a part of our family. So, it was an easy decision.”

Not only was her time in foster care brief, the Schuermans were her only foster parents. Being well prepared before the placement began and supported throughout helped make the placement successful from the beginning. In fact, they believe having a supportive team that included Focus on Youth, their CASA worker, and the family services case worker, was an absolute necessity.

There were challenges, of course, some big and some small. While their biggest challenge was readjusting to parenting a toddler again, they say “The most rewarding experience by far has been seeing Kenna grow and develop over the year.”

She is one of the blessed few who found a forever family in her very first placement. There can be more foster children like her. They encourage anyone on the fence about foster care and adoption through foster care to give it a try. Being a foster parent can be challenging at times, but to them it’s worth it. Maybe the next adoption day photo tugging at people’s heartstrings will be yours.

Worth It

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Predictable and easy are not words anyone would use to describe foster parenting. Yet, in the midst of the difficulty, the heartbreak, and the unknown, beautiful families are formed. That’s how the Leidenheimer family of four became a family six.

When Liam and Jack came to live in their home, Brandon and Clare Leidenheimer didn’t know what the future held. They only knew they already loved these two boys and would do their best to protect them. So, day in and day out, that’s what they did. This was especially tough when dealing with the court system and the turnover in workers assigned to their case. “Having no say in decisions or the final outcome when we’re the ones loving and advocating for them daily was the most challenging aspect of our experience,” they explain.

Eventually, the boys became available to adopt. The family had loved them so well and for so long already, the choice was easy. Liam had been in their care for 1,473 days and Jack for 1,374 days when they were adopted, becoming part of the Leidenheimer family forever.

Once the boys were officially their sons, they were faced with a difficult decision. While it’s often best to help a foster or adopted child maintain relationships with biological family, there are also situations when the risk of more harm and continued trauma is just too great. “Healthy boundaries have to be set,” the Leidenheimers share, “and maintained relationships are not always in the best interest of the child and/or adoptive family.”

The joy and laughter the boys bring the family are the most rewarding part of their journey. As tough as the challenges were, every moment of feeling powerless in court and struggling to navigate a difficult path with the bio family fade in comparison. “It can be a test of your faith, relationships, and mental health sometimes,” the couple says, “but the joy that the kids bring to our lives makes it all worth it.”

The Power of Compassion, Trust, and Family

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When tiny, 3-month-old Elijah was placed with the Faelor family, they had no idea how their family would soon change. Less than 2 years later, he officially became Elijah Faelor through adoption. Yet, Elijah was not their only new family member. His bio mother and bio father, Kali and Curtis, had also became part of the family. Julie Faelor believes the patience, compassion, and consistency they gave Kali and Curtis at their supervised visitations with Elijah made this new family possible.

In her late teens, Kali’s mother died from an overdose. Her father had been absent since her early childhood and she didn’t have friends, mentors, or trusted adults in her life, except for her grandmother. Consequently, in adulthood, Kali found herself alone and vulnerable. Time and life experience has helped Kali recognize how trauma impacted her choices and her relationships. Kali wanted her son to have the mom and dad she did not have, but substance abuse and a then toxic relationship resulted in Elijah being removed from her care and Kali being incarcerated. While incarcerated, Kali earned a GED, obtained a horticulture certificate, and received substance abuse treatment. After her release, Kali continued receiving treatment services, worked hard to maintain sobriety, and tried to work towards reunification with her son. Ultimately, reunification was not possible and when she was asked if she knew anyone who could provide permanency for Elijah, she turned to the Faelors for help.

Elijah’s father, Curtis, also had a history of trauma and had aged out of foster care. After recognizing he wasn’t ready to be a father and not wanting to hinder his son’s permanent placement in a loving family, he bravely chose to relinquish his parental rights at Elijah’s permanent custody hearing.

While slowly getting to know both Kali and Curtis at supervised visitations, Julie and her husband, Edward, developed a deeper understanding of how trauma impacts generations. Their interest in Elijah’s parents as people rather than as a stereotype strengthened their compassion. That compassion in conjunction with patience and consistency allowed for two traumatized hearts to reach out and take the hand of a family. It laid the foundation for their new integrated family to be built upon.

Although Kali and Curtis have separate lives, the Faelors ensure they both are included in family gatherings and Elijah’s life. Additionally, Julie and Kali spend quality time together by themselves, as mothers and daughters often do. Curtis spends time with the whole family. The Faelors feel the greatest gift for their new family is the steps being made towards healing generational trauma through inclusion and family love.

A Much-Needed Respite

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“Will you become a respite caregiver for me?”

The words tumbled out of her sister’s mouth as soon as she answered the phone. Isabella’s sister was caring for 10 foster children and needed help. So, Isabella took a deep breath and said yes. That yes to respite care grew into foster care, kinship care, and eventually adoption. Though foster parenting can be challenging sometimes, she knows the challenges present opportunities to make a difference in a foster child’s life and possibly in their parents’ lives too.

Looking back, Isabella realizes her own biological family paved the way for her foster parenting and adoption journey. “I am blessed with such a big family,” she explains. “In my family, we all have adopted children. We just open our family up and allow others to join. We are blessed and try to share our blessings with others. In childhood, our mother shaped our hearts by her opening our home to others in need.” This welcoming family culture made it easy for her to invite foster children in. By simply being welcomed with love and support, their lives would be changed for the better.

Though her desire to help never faltered, becoming a single parent after divorce made her question whether she should continue foster parenting. Could she handle the challenges of foster care on her own? Despite having a supportive extended family, she opted to shield herself and her son from the unknowns of foster care by stepping away from it for a while. The break didn’t last long. When faced with a child in need, she became a kinship caregiver and found a new perspective.

Although her first kinship caregiving experience was filled with trauma related behavior challenges, Isabella continued to open her home and heart to other children and bio parents. Her own experiences with alcohol as a young adult gave her deep compassion for bio parents fighting addictions and struggling with life. She not only loved each of these children but also their bio families and supported the goal of reunification.

While fostering 3 children, Isabella extended her love and support to their mom. She helped the bio mom locate housing and a job after the bio mom voluntarily completed a substance abuse treatment program. She extended the bio mom’s support system by connecting her with a church and, encouraged by Isabella’s actions, the bio mom continued making positive lifestyle changes. Their partnership evolved into family. Bio mom and Isabella continue to talk daily. She calls Isabella mom while her children call Isabella and her husband grandma and grandpa.

Through fostering children and relationships with bio parents, Isabella understands that all kids love their families no matter what those families did to them, and that “if bioparents do not have a chance to come out of their situation by receiving help from others, then they are likely to stay in their situation. Sometimes, a person gets caught in a mess that they don’t know how to get out of without a support system to support their well-being and a different way of life.” Isabella has had successful and unsuccessful experiences with bio parents and reunification. Nonetheless, her family’s culture of sharing love and support continues. “We just open our family up and allow others to join,” she says. “We are blessed and try to share our blessings with others.”

Answering the Call

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A little over 3 years ago, the Alaniz family felt a nudge to become foster parents. They had no idea what following that nudge might entail, only that there was a need for foster parents who could work with children who had endured a lot in their short lives. From that very small beginning, their journey began. They’ve now been licensed for 3.5 years and have been caring for the same 4 children in their home for almost 2-1/2 years.

 

Their first challenge 3 years ago was simply knowing where to start. They had heard about Focus on Youth and discovered that becoming a licensed foster parent begins with pre-placement trainings. So that’s where they started, and as they learned about what foster care involved, there was no doubt God was calling them to step in and do something to help His children. The process of becoming licensed turned out to be fairly simple. The training classes were offered in nearby churches and any question or concern was easily answered or addressed by the Focus on Youth staff.

 

The training did a lot to prepare the Alaniz’s for becoming foster parents. Yet, as prepared as they felt, they didn’t fully understand how hard it was going to be sometimes. With the perspective that experience brings, they now believe not knowing how hard it could be was a blessing in disguise. No one is naturally well-equipped to handle the stresses and traumas of foster care, but through trial by fire, you become stronger and more compassionate, and a better advocate for the children. And if the hard stuff had scared them away from saying yes, they would have missed out on many incredibly good things they also couldn’t have imagined before they started.

 

For other families who may be feeling the nudge, the Alaniz’s have a few things they want you to know:

 

  1. Children need trusted people, not perfect people, to help them break the cycle of abuse and neglect.
  2. They need loving people to help them overcome the obstacles yet to come.
  3. Children need their local community to support them so a positive difference can be made in their young lives.

 

Community is essential for foster families too. Thanks to the trusted people in their own lives, including their families and friends, the Alaniz’s have been blessed with ongoing support and help when they have needed it. And, they are extremely grateful for their Focus on Youth worker, Marissa, for all the hard work and support she has given them. Their foster care journey isn’t over, but they have already made an undeniable and irreplaceable difference in the lives of the children who have been welcomed into their home.