After the Yes: Fostering and Adopting an Older Child
They got the call in October. After giving respite care for a dozen kids over six months, Jim and Lisa were told one of those kids now needed a permanent home. First, they prayed. Then, they said yes, and 11-year-old Jonah became part of their family.
Fostering and adopting an older child is challenging, but it is also incredibly rewarding. “I think a lot of people are scared of the older kids,” explains Lisa, “as if they have nothing but challenges to offer. However, I have been blessed to get to know several older foster kids and I see their beautiful uniqueness as such an amazing gift to whatever family they are in.” That gift is exactly why Jim and Lisa knew very shortly after taking in their first few children that they wanted to only foster school-aged kids. They valued each child’s individual personality, relished every deep conversation, and enjoyed being able to mentor them about the real world. According to Lisa, “We don’t often think about how cool those opportunities to mentor can be.”
The reality is that any child in foster care can come with trauma, no matter the age, since symptoms can appear even at birth. Jonah was no exception. “My son came to us with years of memories and trauma and, most shockingly to me, his own opinions,” says Lisa. So, along with figuring out which food, music, and activities he likes, they are also working to understand the emotional scars and experiences that have left him significantly developmentally delayed. “It is tough to look at a kid who is physically almost as big as I am and know that he is processing life like a first grader,” explains Lisa.
He also tried everything he could, from destruction of property to physical and verbal abuse, to convince Jim and Lisa to give up on him when he first arrived. People giving up on him was all he knew and speeding up the process seemed a lot less painful. He didn’t know God had given him parents who knew how to endure thanks to stubborn personalities and military backgrounds. During this season, they shifted into survival mode, which Lisa describes as, “work through hard stuff, sleep, do it all over again.” It was hard and exhausting, but the bottom line for Lisa was that “God had not released me from my calling to be my son’s mother.”
The enduring is paying off! “Seven months into our journey, I see how much of my son’s story God is redeeming. I know we have made an indelible mark on him,” Lisa observes. “More importantly, he has changed me for the better.” Now, they’re settling in to their rhythm as a family, enjoying time together, going on adventures, and watching Jonah grow in every way. As they learn how to help him overcome his delays, they are seeing him thrive in new challenges. They love teaching him new things, from rock climbing to using chop sticks. And, through it all, the foster families walking beside them on the journey have given them a stronger sense of community than they have ever felt. “If you asked me today if I would deal with months of verbal abuse to be able to see my son tell me all about his day at summer camp splashing in the creek, I would tell you it was worth it.”
