The Power of Compassion, Trust, and Family
When tiny, 3-month-old Elijah was placed with the Faelor family, they had no idea how their family would soon change. Less than 2 years later, he officially became Elijah Faelor through adoption. Yet, Elijah was not their only new family member. His bio mother and bio father, Kali and Curtis, had also became part of the family. Julie Faelor believes the patience, compassion, and consistency they gave Kali and Curtis at their supervised visitations with Elijah made this new family possible.
In her late teens, Kali’s mother died from an overdose. Her father had been absent since her early childhood and she didn’t have friends, mentors, or trusted adults in her life, except for her grandmother. Consequently, in adulthood, Kali found herself alone and vulnerable. Time and life experience has helped Kali recognize how trauma impacted her choices and her relationships. Kali wanted her son to have the mom and dad she did not have, but substance abuse and a then toxic relationship resulted in Elijah being removed from her care and Kali being incarcerated. While incarcerated, Kali earned a GED, obtained a horticulture certificate, and received substance abuse treatment. After her release, Kali continued receiving treatment services, worked hard to maintain sobriety, and tried to work towards reunification with her son. Ultimately, reunification was not possible and when she was asked if she knew anyone who could provide permanency for Elijah, she turned to the Faelors for help.
Elijah’s father, Curtis, also had a history of trauma and had aged out of foster care. After recognizing he wasn’t ready to be a father and not wanting to hinder his son’s permanent placement in a loving family, he bravely chose to relinquish his parental rights at Elijah’s permanent custody hearing.
While slowly getting to know both Kali and Curtis at supervised visitations, Julie and her husband, Edward, developed a deeper understanding of how trauma impacts generations. Their interest in Elijah’s parents as people rather than as a stereotype strengthened their compassion. That compassion in conjunction with patience and consistency allowed for two traumatized hearts to reach out and take the hand of a family. It laid the foundation for their new integrated family to be built upon.
Although Kali and Curtis have separate lives, the Faelors ensure they both are included in family gatherings and Elijah’s life. Additionally, Julie and Kali spend quality time together by themselves, as mothers and daughters often do. Curtis spends time with the whole family. The Faelors feel the greatest gift for their new family is the steps being made towards healing generational trauma through inclusion and family love.
